Tired Absense - by M. Liewes

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Tired Absense - by M. Liewes 
 
Lying absent is something long gone. 
For I have not touched it, felit it, or kissed it for so long. 
I can't remember when I last held it, or had it passed onto me. 
Though I ackowledge that deep down inside, I have never been the same. 
 
Have I merely been a fool, to pretend that it doesn't exist? 
What have I really been trying to prove all of this time...? 
That I'm really okay, feeling this way, and that things with me are fine? 
Because as time has moved on, I've built on my own strength. 
Though I've realised that nothing has been founded, 
and that I'm filled with nothing other than void. 
I believe that this is what happens when you try too hard to build, 
as I've convinced myself that they are really there. 
However I've just been silently praying for them to emerge? 
 
If only I could have predicted the emptiness, 
I never would have paved. 
The fictional walls in which I'd imagined, 
and the indesputable walls that stand today. 
 
People constantly tell me, 
that I need to let them be. 
But if I do and take tge chance, 
I'll only have myself to blame. 
 
To play on that chance, 
is better than to have never known at all. 
It's what they all say. 
 
When will I know? 
Will I feel it? 
Will I touch it? 
Will I kiss it? 
Will it ever appear again?